I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
