my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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