I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
