I have demons in me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
