I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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