piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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