what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
