The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's get the cat blown out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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