Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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