I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
