Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
