I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
