the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
