I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dicks are not precious.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
