she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
