I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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