I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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