were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
