ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
