you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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