I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
