Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
