I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
