Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
