i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
