if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
