you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
