I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
