just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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