Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
