the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
