Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
