Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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