Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
