I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
