I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
high people should be assigned attendants
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
