Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
