I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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