if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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