Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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