every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
