seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
