to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
