Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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