tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
