Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
