I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he shaved USA in his pubs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
