There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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