I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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