she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
