i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
